From the category archives:

Grief

Flowers are symbols of awakening

by Janette Tombleson

cognitive behaviour therapy cbt: flowersIf you are going through a really sad time, a period of unspeakable pain, you may be hurting from the cruel taunts of others and are confused or lost, there is help. By just looking around you in nature  can take you out of your self imposed mind torture.

Eckhart Tolle describes the flower as the ” enlightenment of plants’. Seeing their beauty can awaken you to their essential inner being , their true nature. “They are like messengers from another realm” with their fragrance “from the realm of spirit”. An unexplainable happiness, amazement and joy overwhelms us when we really look at a flower. Continue Reading

Grief Counselling, What to Expect

by Janette Tombleson

Losing someone we love is without doubt, one of the most painful and challenging experiences we can go through as human beings.  We often need help in dealing with the array of powerful emotions that grief elicits, and that’s where grief counselling can be a very helpful tool in enabling a successful healing process.

Grief counsellors understand that the experience of grieving is not only about feeling sad.  There are many other emotions that come into play and are equally, if not more powerful and difficult to handle.  The most common emotional responses to grief are:

* Denial
* Anger
* Guilt
* Depression
* Loneliness
* Sadness
* Bargaining
* Acceptance and Hope

Grief Counsellors Are Experts on the Grieving Process
To get to the final stage of grief and to start experiencing feelings of acceptance and hope, we need to fully process all the other feelings first.  This can be really difficult to achieve on our own and we may find we “get stuck” in one emotional state such as anger or depression.

This is where grief counselling can really help us.  Grief counsellors have experience with dealing with grief on a daily basis and will fully understand and empathise with what you are going through.

Explore Your Emotions
Your grief counsellor will help you explore your emotions and feel the full force of them in a safe, open and non-judgemental environment.  He or she will guide you through all of the feeling states, otherwise known as the stages of grief, and help you acknowledge and accept each feeling as it arises.  It’s only by going through this process that we can finally overcome the pain of grief and start moving on with our lives.

This process can take anywhere from a few months to a few years depending on the person.  There is no set time span for grieving, it simply takes as long as it takes.

Understand the Impact of Previous Experiences of Loss
The experience of grief can also throw up previous issues of loss and bereavement that were not fully processed at the time and this is where grief counselling can be of the most help.  If we have unresolved issues around grief lurking in our psyche, when we lose a loved one, we often get a double whammy.

Not only do we have the pain of our current loss to deal with, but the pain from the previous experience will also bubble up and fight for attention.  When this happens the emotions associated with grief can become overwhelming.

Receiving unconditional support and guidance from a skillful professional who offers grief counselling, will enable you to manage and accept these overwhelming feelings and help you move on from your loss.

Grief stricken owners bond to Pets

by Janette Tombleson

I was touched by the story of Corporal Dustin Jerome Lee and his canine partner , Lex , a Gernan Shepherd trained to sniff out hidden explosives. Even though wounded with fur burned and shrapnel lodged in his back and spine , Lex climbed onto his critically wounded master to protect him from further harm. Marines watched as bleeding Lex tried to revive Corporal Lee by licking his wounds.

Sadly the brave marine died at a nearby military hospital. When uniformed marines delivered the news to his mother, she inquired about Lex. She immediately knew she wanted Lex at her son’s funeral, saying ” after hearing that Lex climbed on top of Dustin as they both bled, …Lex and Dustin shared a bond, and now that bond is a blood bond.”

Researchers are now studying this powerful human-animal connection. Humans have benefited from the loyalty, intelligence and labour of animals for thousands of years and only just now beginning to understand the evolutionary, social and biochemical reasons for people and animals being such close friends.

Animal TV shows such as Rex, Lassie and Rin Tin Tin have always rankied high on the ratings list. In nursing homes, animals visiting are the highlight of the day for the most grouchiest and irascible elderly. Pets are honest, they are transparent in their affections, they have no agenda other than being so excited to see you when you come home. They don’t moan or whinge, they just love you.

The National Institute of Health, USA has even launched workshops on how pets help people. Studies prove pets boost survival rates for coronary care unit patients, dog ownership promotes regular exercise, being near pets lower it’s owners blood pressure and when a person interacts with a pet, the central nervous system releases several hormones that cause feelings of pleasure. One hormone in particular oxytocin, produced by mammalian mothers to encourage bonding with their offspring , creates a sense of warmth, nurturing and calm.

A happy ending for Lex, after persistent and repeated requests to adopt him by Corporal Lee’s family, the marines finally discharged him from duty and released him to their care. He is now happily settled in their family home in Quitman, Mississippi, USA continuing his healing work.

Finding Comfort through Grief Counselling

by Janette Tombleson

The most unfortunate aspect of life is that it ends. Sometimes loss occurs with a chance that allows for closure and other times it does not. Either way, dealing with death and dying is the heaviest emotional task we deal with as human beings. It is a time when no matter how many people are around us, we feel alone. Grief Counselling offers a caring and objective listener or listeners who help you to find a way to renew your life under different and difficult conditions.

Sometimes seeking the help of a counsellor on a one to one level is what you need. There are however, times when having a support group of others experiencing similar challenges offers you a feeling of unity and understanding. Many people will choose a combination of both support groups and private counselling.

Who benefits and when is it time to seek grief counselling?

* The loss is so overwhelming that the ability to move forward in life seems impossible.
* There is no support system available from friends and relatives.
* The loss triggers other issues to come to the surface.
* There is a need for an objective listener, someone who will not judge but will help you work through conflicts related to the loss and other issues that arise.
* The family is in need, as a unit, to work through their grief,
* Abuse of alcohol or other substances become a method to numb the pain.
* Developmental issues and age require different approaches to counselling, but there is grief counselling available to people in all stages of life.
* Grief counselling can take place before the actual loss, Often the anticipation, anxiety, fear and sadness overwhelms more so before the actual loss than after.
* If you are going to be a caretaker for someone who is dying, it is so important to have a support system set up  before, during and after this incredible responsibility.

The individual nature of grieving is very personal and different for everyone. There is no one right way to grieve; it is as unique as people themselves. The unfortunate reality is that no one is free from loss in life.

The grieving process is not a linear one; there are the ups and downs, especially at certain times of the year. Though traditionally, religious affiliations, friends and family have been sought as the main support systems, there are times when it is beneficial to reach beyond into the forum of professional grief counselling.

Processing the loss and moving forward is the goal of grief counselling. Using a variety of methods including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help understand how thoughts lead to feelings and behaviors is one very beneficial way to feel empowered at a time when vulnerability is so present. It is comforting to know there is someone there who understands your needs, someone who will listen objectively, provide perspectives and promote the recapturing of quality in your own life.